Today we're going to talk about how to take the initiative in a relationship. How to maintain communication so that the relationship develops? And how not to be clingy, intrusive, annoying? No relationship is possible without a man and woman being mutually active. Suggestions of meeting, rapprochement are made by both men and women. It is good when partners are willing to take the initiative in communication. They have no limiting beliefs fears about it. When the activity of one partner meets the response of the other. And when the rapprochement is mutual, synchronous, its pace is about the same. Then there is usually no question. It happens, but not always.
What is initiative and how it differs from compulsion
It is the active actions of the partners in relation to each other. These are date invitations, calls, texts, visits to each other, gifts, flirting, expressions of interest in each other ("How do you?", "How was your day??"Step 3), help, support, marriage proposal.
Case 1. Partners don't hear each other's feedback.
- Let's meet.
- I can't, I'm busy today.
- And I have already agreed with my colleague to leave work early...Maybe you will have some time anyway?...You're always busy...And I don't want to be alone in the evening..
Case 2. One partner seeks to merge, suffers from emotional dependence on the other.
Harmonious relationships are possible between emotionally mature individuals. This means that people are comfortable both getting close and being somewhat distant. They have a common, shared. And everyone has an autonomous, separate. Time, space, activities, thoughts, interests, communication. The autonomous does not threaten the cooperative. On the contrary, it strengthens.
Emotional dependence is an unhealthy attachment in which one partner loses himself or herself, dissolves in the other.
The addict has no sense of where his or her boundaries end and the partner's boundaries begin. It often scares the other partner.
Case 3. One partner ignores the other's need for personal space.
Approach - some distance - these are normal rhythms, like sleep - wakefulness, activity - passivity. Everyone has these rhythms individually. If a partner wants to be alone, there is no need to make a detective investigation out of it. The insistence on intimacy at these moments is annoying.
Case 4. Partner "plays one-way".
He/she calls, texts, invites to meet over and over again. Never waiting for a counter initiative. At the same time, the other partner responds monosyllabically, repeatedly, there is tension in the relationship.
Case 5. Communication is built on demands, claims, manipulation, attempts to evoke in the other a sense of duty and guilt.
"Your girlfriends are more important to you than me?"
"When your mother calls, you go to her, but when she calls me, you're busy!"
"I texted you three minutes ago, you still haven't answered! It means that I am not important for you!"
"You will never offer to help!".
How to take the initiative without being pushy?
Step 1. Free yourself from emotional dependency. This work begins with getting to know yourself, your needs, desires, potential, limitations. Find your interests and ways of fulfilling yourself outside your partner.
Step 2. Showing sensitivity and a sense of tact. Understanding where your boundaries end and the other person's boundaries begin is important in any relationship.
Step 3. When being active, respect the partner's personality, understanding his or her needs and interests. Partner wants to be alone? Respect that need. Instead of complaining and resentment, just do something interesting and useful.
Step 4. Showing attention to your partner's emotional response. It is important not only to talk but also to listen, to hear. How your partner responds to your activity? Does he/she show reciprocal initiative?
Step 5. Stopping on time. Making pauses. In conversation. In activity. Giving your partner room in the relationship. Observe. Taking an interest in your partner. Seeing his or her personality.
Step 6. Give up on manipulation and accusation. Learn how to communicate in a healthy way.
Often men and women wonder about initiative in intimacy. How to respond to an offer of sex? On what date should be intimacy? What is the best time to do this?? There are no universal answers to these questions. A favorable time for intimacy is when both partners want it. So if you're not ready yet, tell your partner. What do you think is the difference between initiative and compulsion??
Author: Kristina Gorelikova
Today we're going to talk about how to take the initiative in a relationship. How to maintain communication so that the relationship develops? And how not to be clingy, intrusive, annoying? No relationship is possible without a man and woman being mutually active. Suggestions of meeting, rapprochement are made by both men and women. It is good when partners are willing to take the initiative in communication. They have no limiting beliefs fears about it. When the activity of one partner meets the response of the other. And when the rapprochement is mutual, synchronous, its pace is about the same. Then there is usually no question. It happens, but not always.
What is initiative and how it differs from compulsion
It is the active actions of the partners in relation to each other. These are date invitations, calls, texts, visits to each other, gifts, flirting, expressions of interest in each other ("How do you?", "How was your day??"Step 3), help, support, marriage proposal.
Case 1. Partners don't hear each other's feedback.
- Let's meet.
- I can't, I'm busy today.
- And I have already agreed with my colleague to leave work early...Maybe you will have some time anyway?...You're always busy...And I don't want to be alone in the evening..
Case 2. One partner seeks to merge, suffers from emotional dependence on the other.
Harmonious relationships are possible between emotionally mature individuals. This means that people are comfortable both getting close and being somewhat distant. They have a common, shared. And everyone has an autonomous, separate. Time, space, activities, thoughts, interests, communication. The autonomous does not threaten the cooperative. On the contrary, it strengthens.
Emotional dependence is an unhealthy attachment in which one partner loses himself or herself, dissolves in the other.
The addict has no sense of where his or her boundaries end and the partner's boundaries begin. It often scares the other partner.
Case 3. One partner ignores the other's need for personal space.
Approach - some distance - these are normal rhythms, like sleep - wakefulness, activity - passivity. Everyone has these rhythms individually. If a partner wants to be alone, there is no need to make a detective investigation out of it. The insistence on intimacy at these moments is annoying.
Case 4. Partner "plays one-way".
He/she calls, texts, invites to meet over and over again. Never waiting for a counter initiative. At the same time, the other partner responds monosyllabically, repeatedly, there is tension in the relationship.
Case 5. Communication is built on demands, claims, manipulation, attempts to evoke in the other a sense of duty and guilt.
"Your girlfriends are more important to you than me?"
"When your mother calls, you go to her, but when she calls me, you're busy!"
"I texted you three minutes ago, you still haven't answered! It means that I am not important for you!"
"You will never offer to help!".
How to take the initiative without being pushy?
Step 1. Free yourself from emotional dependency. This work begins with getting to know yourself, your needs, desires, potential, limitations. Find your interests and ways of fulfilling yourself outside your partner.
Step 2. Showing sensitivity and a sense of tact. Understanding where your boundaries end and the other person's boundaries begin is important in any relationship.
Step 3. When being active, respect the partner's personality, understanding his or her needs and interests. Partner wants to be alone? Respect that need. Instead of complaining and resentment, just do something interesting and useful.
Step 4. Showing attention to your partner's emotional response. It is important not only to talk but also to listen, to hear. How your partner responds to your activity? Does he/she show reciprocal initiative?
Step 5. Stopping on time. Making pauses. In conversation. In activity. Giving your partner room in the relationship. Observe. Taking an interest in your partner. Seeing his or her personality.
Step 6. Give up on manipulation and accusation. Learn how to communicate in a healthy way.
Often men and women wonder about initiative in intimacy. How to respond to an offer of sex? On what date should be intimacy? What is the best time to do this?? There are no universal answers to these questions. A favorable time for intimacy is when both partners want it. So if you're not ready yet, tell your partner. What do you think is the difference between initiative and compulsion??
Author: Kristina Gorelikova