There are people who are always tuning in to someone else, there are those who think that the world revolves only around them.
In a famous song there are these words: "Do not bend under the changing world, let it better bend under us. Everyone finds their own meaning here. There are people who are constantly suited to someone else, there are those who believe that the world revolves only around them. Both are extreme. And we in this article will try to find the golden mean.
What happens when you adjust?
When a person adjusts to someone else's interests, standards, demands, he loses part of himself, steps on the throat of his song.
One does so out of fear of being alone, misunderstood, abandoned, unloved.
Initially, the person considers himself to be inferior to others, other people's interests are more important than his.
In some cases, such behavior is justified if the other person is a small child who cannot take care of himself or herself.
Otherwise, a "policy of conformity" to one's own detriment leads to a loss of self. And then you have to spend years of your life to regain your integrity.
Where does the habit of conformity come from?
Adjusting to others is just a habit. Man acts automatically to please others, that is his primal reaction.
How does it work out?? When parents tell a child over and over again: "Give your brother a toy, he's the youngest," "Wait, first the adults (older/younger), then you.". These words are deposited in the subconscious of the child, and he begins to think that he himself is not important, his desires are secondary by default.
At the age of 2-3 years, a child develops the solar plexus chakra, which is responsible for the will power and manifestation of uniqueness. If you don't let your child develop it at this age, the chakra will be in deficit, which means lack of self-confidence, weak-willed.
All children are different, some are not influenced by parents' strict prohibitions, and some take them seriously, being afraid to lose parental love and affection. And so the habit of adjusting develops.
There is even a silver lining here. It's easier for a person to live by adjusting, not conflicting. You don't have to waste energy, which is already scarce, proving that you need something, too. So it is more quiet.
Often these people don't even have their own desires. If such a person is asked what he wants, he will be confused.
The antithesis of giving in
We move to the other extreme, when a person is NOT willing to be flexible and even considers it a weakness and spinelessness. It's like a concrete wall always standing on its own, which also requires a lot of energy.
And not in all situations such position is useful. If circumstances change unexpectedly, a person with this attitude is hardwired to take it. For a long time he cannot come to his senses, he does not want to see other ways, he blames life, the government, the environment, but he does not want to do anything.
It is difficult to live when you are constantly being adjusted to someone else, when you would like to be in a different place and do something else.
It is also difficult when you have only one constant line, position. Every rock in your path you perceive as a terrible tragedy and stop for a long time instead of gently circling it like water.
In both cases, it is a manifestation of victim consciousness.
Let's find out how to get around these extremes.
Why be flexible
Modern life is full of changes, it needs no explanation. Look around you at what is going on, and you will see. To enjoy life or at least to feel inner peace and harmony, you need to learn to be flexible, to be able to quickly navigate in changing conditions.
The ability to be flexible is a position of strength and awareness, when decisions are made easily, with full acceptance of the situation.
If you learn to be flexible, you will be resistant to any changes, stress, you can see the pluses in every situation. You will have access to new opportunities, to ensure yourself to maintain inner harmony.
I hope you have no doubts, why show flexibility. Now let's find out how to do it.
A few tips to help you master this skill.
How to be flexible
1. Learn to deal with the initial reaction
The first reaction is a surge of emotions: aggression, irritation, indignation. This reaction is involuntary, instinctive.
Realize that it's just a reaction, let the emotions flow through you, balance yourself, and make a conscious choice about how to act in this situation.
With experience, when you learn to be flexible, you won't be reactive. You won't have an emotional outburst or acute reaction to changing circumstances.
Example. Your computer is broken, and you need to work. If you can't solve the problem soon, think about why you need the situation. On the one hand, you are left without the opportunity to work, and you have a lot to do. On the other hand, maybe it is just a convenient opportunity to do something you have long wanted, or just to think about your goals and, perhaps, reconsider them in a calm atmosphere.
The main point here is that you are NOT falling into a victim state, "How come? What to do now?"
You take the necessary steps in the situation, do what you can, and switch to another task while you wait for the issue to be resolved.
2. Learn to fit into the flow
To be flexible means to maneuver in changing circumstances, to see new opportunities in new conditions. Don't squeeze the situation if you can't make it work on several attempts. Stop, switch to something else. It is possible that the answer will come right at that moment, when you are busy doing something else entirely.
When you allow yourself to be in the flow, you accept that not everything depends on you. In doing so, you have the opportunity to choose the best way to live the current situation.
3. Lower your level of expectation
Try not to depend on anyone and not expect your plans to work out exactly as you want them to. Even the best of arrangements can fail. You never know what tomorrow holds. Situations can change at any moment.
Always allow for some percentage that your plans may not come to fruition. If it does, you won't blame the circumstances or the person for the commitment.
If you don't have expectations, you don't have suffering: "It didn't work, or it's not my way, or something better is waiting for me.".
When a man says that he will love you forever, and a month later he gets another, it's too late to expect that he will marry you. That's it, the situation has changed. Close this page and move on.
4. Think of your backup options
If you plan to do something important, take care of a plan B or even C beforehand. Calculate your actions several steps ahead. If your plan collapses, you switch to alternatives. With this attitude you won't be caught off guard, you will always have something to do.
Example. You wanted to go to the countryside for the weekend. You have prepared everything for this, but the weather has broken, the trip has become impossible. Go to plan B - go to a spa, go to a movie, arrange a meeting with friends, for example.
The main thing is not to hang on what did not work, and make good out of the situation. You don't know what to expect on that trip. Maybe a higher power has saved you from something unpleasant.
5. Be flexible with your goals
Be prepared that your wishes can change. Revisit them for the truth at every opportunity. If you take up an intention, consider all the possibilities and circumstances. Things can change, and so can your wishes.
Be prepared to transform it, and even give it up if necessary.
Do not confuse this with the inability to follow through. You are changing every day, growing, your desires are also becoming different. What beckoned and attracted you yesterday may leave you indifferent today.
Example. A girl in her childhood dreamed of a Barbie doll. Parents didn't buy her because they didn't have the money. She made a vow to herself that she would buy it for sure with the first money she earned. But when the time of her first earnings came, she didn't even remember the doll, because she had grown up and had very different interests.
Practice showing flexibility. Look for reasons to sharpen that skill. And gradually even the most difficult tasks will seem easy to you. And life becomes much more varied and interesting.
Author: Natalia Prokofieva
There are people who are always tuning in to someone else, there are those who think that the world revolves only around them.
In a famous song there are these words: "Do not bend under the changing world, let it better bend under us. Everyone finds their own meaning here. There are people who are constantly suited to someone else, there are those who believe that the world revolves only around them. Both are extreme. And we in this article will try to find the golden mean.
What happens when you adjust?
When a person adjusts to someone else's interests, standards, demands, he loses part of himself, steps on the throat of his song.
One does so out of fear of being alone, misunderstood, abandoned, unloved.
Initially, the person considers himself to be inferior to others, other people's interests are more important than his.
In some cases, such behavior is justified if the other person is a small child who cannot take care of himself or herself.
Otherwise, a "policy of conformity" to one's own detriment leads to a loss of self. And then you have to spend years of your life to regain your integrity.
Where does the habit of conformity come from?
Adjusting to others is just a habit. Man acts automatically to please others, that is his primal reaction.
How does it work out?? When parents tell a child over and over again: "Give your brother a toy, he's the youngest," "Wait, first the adults (older/younger), then you.". These words are deposited in the subconscious of the child, and he begins to think that he himself is not important, his desires are secondary by default.
At the age of 2-3 years, a child develops the solar plexus chakra, which is responsible for the will power and manifestation of uniqueness. If you don't let your child develop it at this age, the chakra will be in deficit, which means lack of self-confidence, weak-willed.
All children are different, some are not influenced by parents' strict prohibitions, and some take them seriously, being afraid to lose parental love and affection. And so the habit of adjusting develops.
There is even a silver lining here. It's easier for a person to live by adjusting, not conflicting. You don't have to waste energy, which is already scarce, proving that you need something, too. So it is more quiet.
Often these people don't even have their own desires. If such a person is asked what he wants, he will be confused.
The antithesis of giving in
We move to the other extreme, when a person is NOT willing to be flexible and even considers it a weakness and spinelessness. It's like a concrete wall always standing on its own, which also requires a lot of energy.
And not in all situations such position is useful. If circumstances change unexpectedly, a person with this attitude is hardwired to take it. For a long time he cannot come to his senses, he does not want to see other ways, he blames life, the government, the environment, but he does not want to do anything.
It is difficult to live when you are constantly being adjusted to someone else, when you would like to be in a different place and do something else.
It is also difficult when you have only one constant line, position. Every rock in your path you perceive as a terrible tragedy and stop for a long time instead of gently circling it like water.
In both cases, it is a manifestation of victim consciousness.
Let's find out how to get around these extremes.
Why be flexible
Modern life is full of changes, it needs no explanation. Look around you at what is going on, and you will see. To enjoy life or at least to feel inner peace and harmony, you need to learn to be flexible, to be able to quickly navigate in changing conditions.
The ability to be flexible is a position of strength and awareness, when decisions are made easily, with full acceptance of the situation.
If you learn to be flexible, you will be resistant to any changes, stress, you can see the pluses in every situation. You will have access to new opportunities, to ensure yourself to maintain inner harmony.
I hope you have no doubts, why show flexibility. Now let's find out how to do it.
A few tips to help you master this skill.
How to be flexible
1. Learn to deal with the initial reaction
The first reaction is a surge of emotions: aggression, irritation, indignation. This reaction is involuntary, instinctive.
Realize that it's just a reaction, let the emotions flow through you, balance yourself, and make a conscious choice about how to act in this situation.
With experience, when you learn to be flexible, you won't be reactive. You won't have an emotional outburst or acute reaction to changing circumstances.
Example. Your computer is broken, and you need to work. If you can't solve the problem soon, think about why you need the situation. On the one hand, you are left without the opportunity to work, and you have a lot to do. On the other hand, maybe it is just a convenient opportunity to do something you have long wanted, or just to think about your goals and, perhaps, reconsider them in a calm atmosphere.
The main point here is that you are NOT falling into a victim state, "How come? What to do now?"
You take the necessary steps in the situation, do what you can, and switch to another task while you wait for the issue to be resolved.
2. Learn to fit into the flow
To be flexible means to maneuver in changing circumstances, to see new opportunities in new conditions. Don't squeeze the situation if you can't make it work on several attempts. Stop, switch to something else. It is possible that the answer will come right at that moment, when you are busy doing something else entirely.
When you allow yourself to be in the flow, you accept that not everything depends on you. In doing so, you have the opportunity to choose the best way to live the current situation.
3. Lower your level of expectation
Try not to depend on anyone and not expect your plans to work out exactly as you want them to. Even the best of arrangements can fail. You never know what tomorrow holds. Situations can change at any moment.
Always allow for some percentage that your plans may not come to fruition. If it does, you won't blame the circumstances or the person for the commitment.
If you don't have expectations, you don't have suffering: "It didn't work, or it's not my way, or something better is waiting for me.".
When a man says that he will love you forever, and a month later he gets another, it's too late to expect that he will marry you. That's it, the situation has changed. Close this page and move on.
4. Think of your backup options
If you plan to do something important, take care of a plan B or even C beforehand. Calculate your actions several steps ahead. If your plan collapses, you switch to alternatives. With this attitude you won't be caught off guard, you will always have something to do.
Example. You wanted to go to the countryside for the weekend. You have prepared everything for this, but the weather has broken, the trip has become impossible. Go to plan B - go to a spa, go to a movie, arrange a meeting with friends, for example.
The main thing is not to hang on what did not work, and make good out of the situation. You don't know what to expect on that trip. Maybe a higher power has saved you from something unpleasant.
5. Be flexible with your goals
Be prepared that your wishes can change. Revisit them for the truth at every opportunity. If you take up an intention, consider all the possibilities and circumstances. Things can change, and so can your wishes.
Be prepared to transform it, and even give it up if necessary.
Do not confuse this with the inability to follow through. You are changing every day, growing, your desires are also becoming different. What beckoned and attracted you yesterday may leave you indifferent today.
Example. A girl in her childhood dreamed of a Barbie doll. Parents didn't buy her because they didn't have the money. She made a vow to herself that she would buy it for sure with the first money she earned. But when the time of her first earnings came, she didn't even remember the doll, because she had grown up and had very different interests.
Practice showing flexibility. Look for reasons to sharpen that skill. And gradually even the most difficult tasks will seem easy to you. And life becomes much more varied and interesting.
Author: Natalia Prokofieva